Blokes On Soaps

Being the dark and dreary East End, it is very rare that you get to see women parading about in very little outside – especially on the last day of January. That all changed though thanks to the grand relaunch of Branning and Branning, the new name for Max’s car lot.

With Jack joining the team, the former copper had the vision and foresight to see that the best way to bring in new customers was to have a fit girl parading about wearing very little. Jodie Gold, daughter of Vanessa and girlfriend of Darren Miller was asked to, in Jack’s words, “show off her credentials.” And the results had blokes up and down the country roaring their approval about actress Kylie Babbington

The delightful use of knee-high socks, a short polkadot skirt and matching shirt would certainly have pulled the Blokes on Soaps team onto the forecourt, without the use of free champagne which seemed to entice most of Albert Sqaures other residents in.

The only one who had any complaints was Darren, who was evidently not happy that his missus was flaunting her fineself to the world, concerned that she would “catch her death”. Mr Miller is not the most intelligent type, as that would have allowed him to play Doctors and Nurses with her, and his pretty rubbish day got even worse when he lost his job, his home and finally Jodie gave him the elbow

No doubt a string of Walford’s finest men will now be queuing up in the hope of seeing the lovely Miss Gold looking like this on a regular basis

The good news for all us blokes who like our soaps to feature a decent amount of bikini action is that Home and Away returned to our screens after it’s winter break on Monday. And, just three episodes down we were treated to a double whammy as both Ruby Buckton and Nicole Franklin stripped down to their smalls on the beach.

Both have been going through difficult times lately – Nicole, played by Tessa James, had a HIV scare and was sleeping with the dodgy Penn Graham, while Ruby (Rebecca Breeds) saw her attempts to seduce music teacher Liam Murphy (lucky bastard) fail and it sent her slightly off the rails in the process. It is refreshing to see then that their trials and tribulations had not affected their stunning looks when in beach wear.

After these stills were taken, they both trotted down to the beach hand-in-hand to enjoy some fun in the sea, getting very wet in the process no doubt. Unfortunately, the Home and Away produces declined to show us this. They did however show Ruby getting arrested for stealing a motor vehcile later on in the episode. Insanely hot and a bit of a bad girl – what is there not to like about that?

Coronation Street’s teen lesbians Sophie Webster and Sian Powers saw in 2011 by taking their relationship up a level by engaging in some hot lesbian action. Its what the nation had been waiting months for, and finally we got to see them in bed together going at it!

Sophie and Sian’s lesbian sex session was soured though when they were busted by Sally Webster. They should have asked her to join in!

Here are the highlights of the recent hot lesbian action between the pair, loving editing together by us here at Blokes on Soaps

EastEnders is about to get another Moon with the addition of Alfie’s uncle Eddie, to be played by pop star David Essex. Since Shane Richie returned in Autumn 2010, he has been up to his usual blokey ways of trying to con people with stories about the Queen Mother’s visit to Walford, finding out his cousin had fathered a child with his wife and wearing ever increasingly dodgy shirts. So another member of the Moon family is sure to increase the blokiness.

The new character will rock up to reconcile with his own son, Michael, who is also set to return following his brief appearance last year. Rumour has it that the two have a rocky relationship and that is going to be a central theme, along with the arrival of some more Moon children, which with any luck will include a tidy female.

David Essex has been married three times and in his role as pop icon no doubt got around a few birds in his time, so I’m sure that the older women of the Square such as Pat, Mo and Dot will be hoping that there is a certain amount of that put into his character and, as one of his more famous hits goes, he will end up holding them close

Max Branning on why it isn’t advisable to wish that your ex-boyfriend is dead after cheating on you. Especially when it is your step-Grandmother who has admitted the crime of GBH with intent

“You know Carol told me what you said yesterday. About wishing Connor was dead. Hoping she gets life imprisonment so how’s that gonna help? You know I know your upset you aint the first bird in the world to have her boyfriend cheat on her. It aint just Bianca in trouble, it’s all of us. We keep fighting amongst ourselves we’re all gonna hang aint we. You don’t hate her, you hate yourself. You’ve been such a mug. That understandable but do you think it’s fair to dump it all on Carol? Don’t you think she’s suffering enough? Grow up will ya”

Tragedy in Emmerdale as bother Viv Hope and Terry Woods perished in the fire started by jealous DS Nick Henshall

Viv was asleep at home whilst the fire spread through the village. Terry and Bob entered the building, Bob retreived the twins whilst Terry went to find Viv. There was a big explosion and the firemen had to pull out.

Poor Bob has lost his wife and his best friend.

R.I.P Viv and Terry.

In yet another controversial storyline coming out of EastEnders HQ, it has been revealed that one of our favourite girls, Whitney, is set to go on the game. The situation arises following step-Mum Bianca’s dissapearance (Patsy Palmer has just popped out a baby), during which Whitney runs away from home and adds another complete mentalist to the list of blokes she has fallen for who are, well, wrong (Peter Beale, far too nice; Connor, having it away with Grandmother at the same time; Billie, drank himself to death after being involved in shooting his own uncle; Tony, what more can you say other than he was a pedophile).

Her new fella will be portrayed by former Shameless star Jody Latham, who played Lip Gallagher in the hit Manchester based drama. Unfortunately for Whitney, he is an abusive pimp who forces her on the game for £50-a-time sessions.

The storyline is set to cause further controversy following the ongoing baby swap plot, although we at Blokes on Soaps think it could be a positive thing. There were concerns raised before the pedophile storyline involving Whitney and Tony King, yet that was handled extremely well, thanks in part to the excellent portrayal of the two characters in their relationship by Shona McGarthy and Chris Coghill. Young girls being exploited is a hot news topic at the minute following recent prosecutions in the north of England and is a real issue (unlike a Mother swapping her dead baby for another couples which, frankly, doesn’t happen), and it is good to see EastEnders tackling it and brining it to the fore.

And of course, it may mean we get to see more of Shona in bed. Although she will no doubt not be looking as happy as she does here…

Connor Stanley from EastEnders must be some sort of mentalist. While he continues to have it away with Grandmother Carol Jackson, he has arguably the fittest girl left in the square throwing himself at him in Whitney Dean.

In tonight’s episode, Carol gives Connor the brush off but he definitely get’s the best side of the deal as he makes himself at home in Whit’s bed – and gets to see her looking like this:

It’s a shame that this storyline appears to be wrapping up pretty soon, as it’s big positive has been getting to see Shona McGarty looking stunning at moments like this. And with Stacey gone, us blokes could do with some serious talent like that to keep us tuning in

After all the controversy, it looks like the EastEnders babyswap storyline has crossed a bridge too far in the persons eyes of whom it matters most – actress Samantha Womack who plays the tragic character of Ronnie Branning.

It was announced today that she has quit the soap which means that Albert Square has lost another one of its MILF’s (and nearly a GILF if she hadn’t have told Danielle to have a termination) in protest about the controversial plot whereby Ronnie Braning’s son died of cot death, and then she swapped the baby with Kat and Alfie Moon’s new sprog leaving them to think it was their boy who had passed away.

So far the BBC have received over 3,400 complaints about the storyline which Womack, as a mother herself, expressed her doubts about from the beginning. According to media sources today, she handed in her resignation as soon as she read the script in November but was convinced to stay on and play out the scenes, meaning that she will leave in May – despite the offer of more money and a better contract.

Womack said in the run-up to the airing of the episodes that: “I love EastEnders and the fans enjoy it because it’s hardcore and bleak at times. But I also worry because this is such a traumatic storyline. New Year can be a difficult time for some people, so I really hope this is taken in the spirit in which it’s intended – which is about producing dramatic television.

“I’ve watched the episode where baby James dies and it really is very powerful with strong performances from everyone. Producers are happy with it – I just hope it doesn’t upset viewers.”

Well, it obviously has upset viewers!

And so, Albert Square will say goodbye to another fine woman. With Stacey Slater, Zsa Zsa Carter and Chelsea Fox already having quit last year and new Executive Producer Bryan Kirkwood having taken out Lucy Beale and the original Lauren Branning, the fitness count around E20 is dropping considerably.

But at least Roxy remains – she was always our favourite Mitchell sister anyway…

Does anyone remember that glorious moment in 2010 when Summer Hoyland (played by actress Jordy Lucas) was trying to expose Andrew Robinson’s bogus love manual that he was selling the Erinsborough High geeks?

She entered the male changing rooms at the gym with the aim of planting her ipod nano so that she could record Harry and Andrew discussing their money making scheme.

Harry Ramsay entered the changing rooms whilst she was putting her plan into action, Summer had to make her excuses for why she was in the mens room and proceeded to take her top off, revealing for the very first time that she actually had quite a sizable pair of breasts underneath the loose clothes that she’d been wearing since her debut. Here is the picture of Summer’s very first cleavage reveal…